I was watching my guilty pleasure, “Cheaters” a long running reality series on Vh1 (an American basic cable television network owned by BET media group) featuring couples with one partner who is cheating or committing adultery on the other partner. The cheating victim consults with the "Cheaters Detective Agency" to investigate and provide video evidence, if any, and then the cheater is confronted, which is often an explosive event. As a woman who was cheated on in a former marriage, I gotta confess that watching the victims confront the cheaters and end their unhealthy relationships felt empowering and quite satisfying. The lessons I took from my personal experience and carried with me to this very day is to know your worth.
Cheating isn’t just happening in romantic relationships. Many of us have been cheated on in friendships and business relationships. People in business often are most motivated by money or popularity over honesty, loyalty and integrity, in my experience. Because I've experience cheating in business and in romantic relationships, I know that the feelings are similar. They both hurt and they both can potentially cause a setback or inconvenience such as financial loss or suddenly having to adjust to a new routine. In business I’m always on standby for someone to do me dirty and I do put preventive measures in place such as I'm thorough, I believe in contracts and documentation but even with all those safeguards, a cheater is gonna cheat. I've learned to accept that everybody is not capable of honestly and loyalty as I am. Let me take a quick moment to define cheating:
What Cheating Is In Business?
Cheating is defined as dishonest or unfair behavior that is intended to gain an advantage. It's a form of deception which is defined as the act of causing someone to accept something as true or valid what it's actually false or invalid. Engaging in dishonest practices in business can involve falsifying information, embezzling company funds, pursuing personal projects during business hours, claiming others' ideas as one's own, altering financial records, participating in insider trading, breaching contracts, and deliberately deceiving or misleading customers regarding product quality, or misleading you in your role or professional relationship with the individual, all aimed at securing an unfair advantage or personal gain at the cost of the company or other stakeholders. Below you'll find steps for addressing a dishonest cheater and examples of what constitutes cheating in a business context.
Some Characteristics Of Cheating in Business Include:
Deception:
Deliberately giving inaccurate or deceptive details regarding products, services, or financial conditions to customers, investors, or partners.
Misappropriation of funds:
Misappropriating company funds, engaging in embezzlement, or utilizing company money for personal purposes without permission.
Intellectual property theft:
Claiming someone else's ideas, designs, or inventions as your own without giving proper credit.
Conflict of interest:
Participating in business activities that prioritize personal gain over the company's interests, like accepting bribes, conducting business with family members, or manipulating business deals for personal advantage, leading to financial loss and reputational damage to their agent without disclosure.
Falsification of records:
Altering financial statements, sales data, or other documents to present a more favorable image than the truth.
Non-disclosure of material information:
Withholding important information from stakeholders that could impact their decisions.
Unfair competition:
Engaging in practices that undermine competitors through dishonest means, such as price collusion or false advertising.
Breach of contract:
Deliberately failing to fulfill the terms of a business agreement.
Unethical sales tactics:
Using aggressive, high-pressure or misleading sales techniques to close deals.
Lack of transparency:
Lacking transparency and responsibility in business practices.
Cheating occurs when someone covertly engages in actions that are morally or ethically wrong, knowing you wouldn't approve and wouldn't do it openly, thus leaving you exposed to the pain, losses, and consequences of their deceitful behavior.
One instance of workplace cheating from the aforementioned list of traits that I've encountered multiple times in my career is breach of contract and conflict of interest. In both situations, an employer or business client that I trusted was no-longer willing to abide by our payment agreement, and without my knowledge, replaced me with a more affordable alternative. By the time I discovered the betrayal, deals that rightfully belonged to me had already been finalized by others. This resulted in a loss of income and harm to my reputation. It was quite serious. I pursued legal action against the companies involved and won both cases. However, I chose not to go after the business client, as sometimes it's best to accept the losses and move on.
If someone wishes to end a relationship or discontinue a specific aspect of it, they should be honest and inform you directly rather than postponing the truth with deceit and broken promises. Meanwhile, the person being deceived continues to respect and honor your friendship or business relationship. Think twice before doing this to anyone you do business with.
Typically once you confront the person that cheated you, they'll turn it around and blame YOU for their deceptive actions, finding their validation in a bunch of fake assumptions like “ I thought you knew” Well to all the liars and cheaters out there…often we really don’t know…maybe we suspect but we don’t usually know unless you tell it and even then we probably won’t get the full story, will we? It’s painful to realize that after doing so much for someone and with the best intentions, they turned around and discarded me like garbage on trash day, even before I understood what was really going on. That's incredibly shady, isn't it? Indeed it is.
How To Confront A Cheater In A Business Relationship
So how do we confront a cheater in a business relationship? Well first, by realizing that all that hurt I talked about in the last paragraph has no place in a business setting or relationship. Of course I was already aware of that, but I wanted to connect with you on those painful feelings we both experience first, so you understand that I've been through it too.
The main distinction between the couples on the hit show "Cheaters" and individuals in business relationships is that, although couples may be emotional, we cannot afford to be that way in business. If you're not planning to marry or have a sexual relation with your clients (because that would be a no no) then don't ever blur any lines. Some of us maintain friendships outside of business, which is acceptable as long as both parties clearly understand work-related expectations. Establish the tone early and document everything before starting a project or joint venture. Keep thorough records. What often causes me problems is being kind and generous to clients who, unbeknownst to me, have hidden agendas. I've been taken advantage of for being friendly and offering my time and generosity to assist others simply because they needed extra help. I can't guarantee that I won't be betrayed again in the future, as it's in my nature to help those in need and I'm a faith driven person. However, I do promise that if someone wrongs me, I will respond in the most professional manner but the person on the receiving end will be left wishing they'd never risked what we had. A loyal business friend is hard to come by.
So if they cheat you, here's what I recommend you do:
Gather evidence:
Before confronting the person, document everything related to their "cheating" behavior, including emails, contracts, financial records, or any other concrete proof that supports your claims.
Choose the right time and place:
Schedule a private meeting with the individual when you can both focus on the conversation without distractions.
Start with calm communication:
Express your concerns clearly and directly, but avoid accusatory language. Focus on how their actions have affected the business and your trust in them.
Be specific:
Clearly outline the specific instances of "cheating" behavior you have observed, including dates, times, details, and any relevant documentation.
Listen to their perspective:
Let them share their perspective, yet stay resolute in tackling the issues involved.
Discuss potential solutions:
Depending on the severity of the situation, evaluate if there is a possibility to repair the relationship through corrective actions or adjustments to business practices.
Be prepared to take action:
If the situation is not resolvable, clearly communicate the consequences of their actions, which could include dissolving the business partnership or pursuing legal action
Legal advice:
If the "cheating" involves significant financial implications or potential legal violations, consult with a business lawyer before proceeding with any action.
Protect your reputation:
Consider how your actions might impact your own reputation within the business community.
Emotional management:
Again, confronting a cheater can be emotionally intense, so consider managing your emotions and remaining professional throughout the conversation. That's a little something I learned in therapy.
If my blog post was helpful to you today please like, comment and share. Thanks in advance and yours in music!
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